Tag Archives: humor

I want to lose weight because:

• I don’t want to die before it’s my time.
• I want to look good on my husband’s arm at fancy dinner parties.
• I’d like to be able to run a half-marathon, maybe even a full one.
• I want to be able to bare my midriff and be comfortable with it.
• I want to be on top during sex and not worry about how I look.
• I want to be a healthy example to all of the children in my life.
• I don’t want to be on high blood pressure medication for the rest of my life.
• I’m sick of buying clothes with X in the size.
• I don’t want to worry about breaking a chair when I sit down.
• I want to love the way I look naked.
• I want to be able to ride a roller coaster without being afraid of getting stuck in the seat.
• I want to be able to wear short shorts.
• Eddie Bauer charges more for plus size clothing.
• I’m sick of my father making fun of my weight behind my back.
• I’d like to be able to buy more than just beautiful shoes.
• When I have a baby, I want to give it a healthy place to grow.
• Right or not, society treats thin people better than fat people.
• I don’t want to have long hair because I have to “balance out my body”.
• I want to be able to buy a good bra for less than $75.
• I want to have a waist again.
• And I want jeans that actually fit my waist and hips.
• Those little elevator pods that take you to the top of the St. Louis Arch are supposed to fit five people and they aren’t very big.
• There are so many beautiful dresses that I want to wear.
• I want to be able to wear pretty bras again.
• I want to climb to the top of Monk’s Mound without being severely winded.
• When the zombie apocalypse comes, they always eat the fat, slow people first.
• I want to be able to ride 10 miles effortlessly whenever I want.
• I want my husband to be able to physically pick me up if he wants to.
• The next time we go to Gatlinburg, I want to walk to the top of Clingman’s Dome with everyone else.
• I’m sick of keeping everyone awake with my loud snoring.
• I don’t want to see abdominal fat on a corpse at Bodyworlds and think, ohmigosh that’s me.
• I want to be able to sleep all the way through the night.
• I don’t want a dowager’s hump anymore.
• I don’t want to know what the term “chub rub” means anymore.
• Because I’m fat and I no longer want to be.