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Fat doesn’t make you fat. Carbs make you fat – The Infographic.
Posted in addiction, food rules, overeating, paleo/primal
Empty
I’ve noticed something strange recently. It used to be that I wouldn’t feel full after a meal until I ate something carb-heavy and/or sweet. I wouldn’t get that satisfied feeling of fullness and it left me feeling empty. But, as I got used to eating paleo/primal, that feeling eventually disappeared. Until now.
But the circumstances are actually the exact opposite. Recently I’ve been eating a lot of carbs, including birthday cake. I’ve been having a hard time cutting grains and carbs out of my diet, but that’s a whole other post unto itself. Suffice to say, I’ve been eating a lot of bread/carbs/grains, and I’ve noticed a few things. If I eat a fully paleo/primal meal heavy on the protein and fat, I feel full. But, if I eat cake or something sweet and carby (even if I eat it after I’ve eaten a good paleo meal), I experience this weird empty pit feeling in my stomach. It feels like I’m hungry even when I’m not – I’m just not satisfied. It’s horrible and it’s been throwing off my eating schedule.
And I feel horrible. I’ve noticed that I’ve had more upset belly over the past week than I have in months. I’ve been sick to my stomach, lethargic and without energy. I think it’s fairly obvious that carbs/grains/bread do not agree with me and that I do better without them.
It’s weird. First I got on board with healthy eating, but I couldn’t drag my butt to the gym. Now, I love going to the gym, but I can’t seem to eat well. It’s frustrating and honestly, it’s making me feel like crap. I think part of it is that I’ve fallen into an eating rut – I tend to eat the same thing over and over again, and when I get bored, I fall off the wagon hard. I could definitely use some new recipes and maybe a new cookbook or two.
Why Did I Fail?
My new books arrived in today’s mail, but I haven’t cracked them open yet. I haven’t pored over Mark’s Daily Apple to remind myself how to live Primal and I haven’t restocked my pantry with everything Paleo. And why not? Because after doing so well for so long, something happened and I failed. Before I start anew, I need to know why because as they say, those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.
So where did I go wrong? I was exercising religiously – the gym was my place of worship and my personal trainer was my priest and rabbi. I was eating right and feeling better because of it. I could blame it on the new puppy, but I think that’s a piss poor excuse. If I’d really wanted to, I could have gotten someone to watch him for an hour while I ran to the gym. And a new puppy doesn’t really explain why, after months of no bread, grains, or rice, I suddenly started eating dozens of chocolate chip cookies, pasta, mashed potatoes, and bread in abundance while hardly eating any vegetables at all.
I could blame it on my wallet. I lost my job and money was tight. But I managed to find money to buy my new puppy everything he could possibly need and then some (he’s currently been put on a toy embargo by my husband who says he has never seen a dog with so many toys). I could blame it on the season. But when it comes down to it, I failed for the same reason that I always fail. While I feel good living and eating Paleo/Primal, I could never quite shake the feeling of being on a “diet” and therefore being deprived of something. So as soon as I was given the excuse, I jumped off the wagon and into a pool of sugar and carbs because I no longer wanted to feel “deprived”.
So, what’s going to change this time around? I’m not going to try to be all or nothing. It’s a ridiculous and unattainable standard to set for one’s self and you’re almost guaranteed to be setting yourself up for failure. The first time I “mess up”, I always feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. And properly done, the Primal diet actually has a certain degree of indulgence built in. With the 80/20 principle: if you align your life with the PB (Primal Blueprint) principles 80% of the time, consider yourself on course. Following the example of others who have successfully transitioned to Paleo/Primal, I intend to plan out my indulgences. My 20% will be planned out each week. I will splurge, I will enjoy myself guilt-free and I will live Paleo/Primal to the fullest for the other 80%.
Previously, I had shunned the 80/20 principle, instead attempting to attain 100% compliance. But looking back, I see that I was never really 100% compliant. I would “cheat” on my diet and as a result, feel the guilt and shame that came with cheating. For me, this will be more of a psychological change. Once again, I am not dieting – this is a lifestyle change. More importantly, I cannot cheat on my diet because my 20% indulgence is already incorporated into each week. In theory, I will not feel deprived of anything because I will not be depriving myself of anything. If I want to go out to eat at a restaurant, I can, and I can eat whatever I want because that’s my 20% and for the rest of the time I’ll be fully Paleo/Primal.
I have to be honest – I’m not 100% sure how this will work for me. But I feel that forging ahead blindly without resolving the issues that led me to fall of the wagon on the first go-around is just asking for trouble. Armed with new recipes, reading and research, I’m hoping to not only break the 200 lb mark, but continue onward, down to my goal weight of 140. *fingers crossed*
Posted in food rules, guilt, overeating, paleo/primal
Liar Liar
Two road diverged, and I? I took the easy road and now I’m paying for it.
It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Life got hectic what with the holiday stress and my little man growing up (he turns 17 weeks tomorrow), but honestly, that wasn’t why I stopped blogging. I stopped blogging for the same reason that today is the first time I’ve weighed myself in two months. I didn’t want to face the truth.
The truth is a sneaky thing, though. It finds ways to get you even when you hide from it. I’d put on a pair of jeans and instead of using the belt to cinch them up…they fit. In a bad way. And I knew I wasn’t eating right. There is no way that eating half a pizza, five cups of coffee, and six sugar cookies for a day’s worth of meals is good for you. Apparently I either have awesome self control or none at all. It’s easy to have great self control when you care about yourself.
But I didn’t want to care. I let myself get down. I let myself get busy. I let myself get lazy. Hell, I still don’t want to care. The holiday season has always been incredibly stressful to me, and it’s been all too easy to let my paleo habits slip by the wayside. There are excuses galore. Paleo is expensive and I’m broke. Fresh vegetables are harder to come by now that my CSA season is over. It’s harder to get to the gym with a new puppy and a shared vehicle. But that’s me still lying to myself.
217. That’s what I weighed in today. I’ve gained over 10 lbs since my lowest weigh on September 28th. And I know just how easy it would be to put the scale away again and let that number creep back up until I’m back to where I started. I’m ashamed of myself. I feel guilty for letting all of my progress and hard work go to waste, or to waist as it were. Those pounds were not easy to lose the first time around, and it always seems to get harder to re-lose the weight.
There comes a time, sometimes several times, in everyone’s life where you look into the mirror and the scales fall from before your eyes. When you hit rock bottom and realize you can’t do this anymore. I feel like crap and I know how to make myself feel better. I just need to find the strength to do it all over again and I need to remember that it’s not failure until you completely give up. New Year’s resolutions may not start for another few weeks, but I’m not waiting until then. I’m starting again now. I’m not going to lie to myself. This is going to be the hardest yet…but I just can’t do *that* anymore.
Posted in accountability, guilt, overeating, paleo/primal, puppy, status
Tagged eating, setbacks, temptation
All Things in Moderation
I’ve always been an obsessive type of person. Whenever I get into anything, I don’t do it halfway. I always jump in with both feet. When I started knitting again, I went all in. I bought the best needles, I bought over 1000 skeins of yarn. I even bought a spinning wheel.
When I decided to lose weight the first time, I was the same way. I wanted to start biking, so I bought a bike. I made my husband buy a bike so that he could ride with me. I learned about mileage computers and programs like MapMyRide. I rode every single day, sometimes milking the last rays of light from the sky and coming home in the dark.
Being obsessive can be a good thing. I’m always wholly devoted to whatever I’m in to at that moment. I give it 200% and I try to be the best I can be at whatever I’ve chosen to do.
Then I burn out. Oh god, the burn out. It is the absolute worst. It’s why I have over a thousand skeins of yarn sitting in my sewing room. It’s why I haven’t knit a pair of socks in over a year. It’s why I haven’t ridden my bike since last summer.
It’s why I’ve been eating bread and pasta and whatever else my mother-in-law fixes for dinner. Right now, I’m into puppies. I’ve read about obedience training and clicker training and what dog crate is the best. I’ve read about the nutrition contents of different food and which organic blend is really the most healthy.
Right now, I’m not obsessing about my health. I’m not obsessing about diet and exercise. I haven’t been to the gym in three weeks. I eat healthy when I can and I try to remember to eat mostly vegetables when I think about it. Some of the healthy lifestyle changes I made did stick, but I know I’ve been letting myself eat crap because it’s the easy way out. I drank Coke this week for the first time in months. And I drank a lot. But I feel like I don’t have a lot of energy or time to think about it right now. I miss the gym, but I’m not by any means sedentary. Chasing Arlo around the house and taking him on long walks several times a day has made the number on the scale go down, but it goes right back up when I grab fast food (knowing fully well that it’s not nutritious and chock full of preservatives and bad carbs).
The way I raise a puppy is a full time job. Like I said, I never do anything half way. I’m determined to raise the best possible, most well behaved puppy with minimal accidents in the house and without any tears over chewed shoes. My mother-in-law tells me I hover over him too much, but I feel like he’s too little to be left alone unattended. He’ll only be nine weeks tomorrow. I can’t remember the last time I slept through the entire night. Part of me has completely and totally put healthy living (aka diet and exercise) aside. I know I need to get good sleep to lose weight and though it might be making excuses, I don’t want to leave him crying in his crate while I drive the half hour it takes to get to the gym.
Sometimes I think it would be nice to have all things in moderation. It must be nice to be able to do a little bit here, a little bit there without eventually burning out. Because sometimes the burn out is so intense, I wonder if I’ll ever want to do that again. And it’s not like you can do that with puppies or children – you’re in it for the long haul no matter how many times he piddles on the carpet.
I am what I am, and I try (mostly unsuccessfully) to make peace with it. But sometimes, I wish I could let things could just be a little easier for once. Just a little bit. But I guess that wouldn’t be me, and a big part of this is doing this my way, making this lifestyle change work for me. Sometimes I wish I had listened to my husband when he told me that getting a puppy was a bad idea. But other times, when that silly wrinkly little snouzle makes those silly puppy squeaks when he’s barking at me, I remind myself that it’s not a foot race or an end game.
“Enjoy today for today, and deal with tomorrow as it comes.”