After a recent conversation with a friend at the local book store, I decided to buy and finish Geneen Roth’s Women, Food, and God. I’d picked up a copy a month or so ago and read enough to find it intriguing but not necessarily purchase-worthy. The book has been all over as of late, not to mention that Ms. Roth was on Oprah promoting her book – which I should mention was not a ringing endorsement for me (I am generally not the demographic of Oprah’s book clubs). But that conversation, and seeing mentions of the book on several of the blogs I regularly read, made me decide to buy a copy to see if it would make a difference to my own weight loss journey.
I went in with an open mind, but I honestly didn’t expect to get much out of Women, Food & God. I have not been overweight for all of my life and I did not consider myself to be a compulsive eater. I wasn’t sure that the advice in this book would really pertain to me. Also, I am not only not religious, I am also not very spiritual. I believe in the beauty of something great and inexplicable – a vast mystery, if you will, but beyond that, there is no God in my life. Raised Punjabi Sikh, I have struggled with my lack of faith in the face of others’ faiths all of my life. But Geneen Roth’s version of spirituality is one that I can live with. Focusing on spirituality over religion, she delves into the great mystery of one’s self, tearing down walls and preconceptions until nothing remains but the natural wonder of seeing your first rainbow. But what, you may ask, does this have to do with food?
Ms. Roth posits that our relationship with food is, in its essence, a microcosm of our relationship with our lives. She points out that people lose and gain vast amounts of weight in hopes of achieving a version of their perfect self, only to fail over and over again. The problem is not knowing how to lose weight – the problem is deeper and lies withing why we eat. She speaks of dieting as an almost religious institution – one with suffering, penance and failure. It’s a vicious cycle and for most compulsive eaters, we need the constant cycle of dieting and failing our diets. She talks about two different kinds of diet – the Permitters and the Restricters and how we can fall into either or both categories. I, myself, am mostly a Restricter.
As children, we form necessary defenses against the world around us. As adults, we are strong enough to deal with whatever life throws at us, but most of us still retain those childhood defense mechanisms. We avoid dealing with whatever we see as unbearable, using food and other crutches to avoid dealing with the pain that we fear. By leaving behind these childhood defenses and shedding the identity forged for us by other (by parents, by teachers, by siblings and their manifestation as what she calls “the Voice”), we learn that the intolerable is not so intolerable after all, and that by dealing with these issues and moving forward with our new identities we can emerge as better, more whole people, who know longer need to use food for anything other than nourishment.
I expected this book to be a bit “hippy-dippy” for my taste, but overall, I was pleasantly surprised to find lessons that I could relate to and use within my own life. One of her examples, in particular, really resonated with me – I, like so many, spend so much of my time waiting for my life to truly begin. My life will start: when I’m thin, when I’m successful, when I get the job I want, when I finally have enough money. My excuses are a dime a dozen and at the same time, the rest of my life is being frittered away. Instead of waiting to be what I want, Ms. Roth advises that we need to learn to enjoy where we are at right now instead of just tolerating it. We need to immerse ourselves in the small pleasures, in the small rituals, in the tastes and the smells of what’s happening right now. This mindfulness, in everything, is her key to success, not only in dieting, but in life, itself.
Ms. Roth spends a great deal of time talking about the spirituality of life, of self, of food, but Iwished that she had talked more about the process. Yes, I found myself saying, I understand that I need to break down my perception of self based on the criticism of others. I need to treat myself with love and kindness. I need to learn to live in the moment, to eat in the moment, to tune into whatever my body is telling me. But how? I need to be told how to do these things, and in this, other than joining on of her many retreats, Ms. Roth is not as forthcoming. She does give her reader some very useful guidelines for mindful eating and spends some time talking about meditation and inquiry techniques, but beyond that, I was left stranded, needing more specific direction.
Ms. Roth assures you that by eating whatever you want, you will lose weight. And you won’t eat hot fudge sundaes for every meal of the day because you’ll come to learn, that’s not what your body wants. But she doesn’t go into nutrition or exercise, and I feel that she neglects a whole realm of important issues for those wanting to get down to a healthy weight/existence. In fact, she doesn’t really talk about health at all. In all of the talk of spirituality, mindfulness and learning to love one’s self, there is little mention of physical health or strength. I’m supposed to believe that when I learn to listen to my body, it will tell me if it needs spinach for iron or milk for calcium.
Overall, I would recommend this book to everyone – not just those trying to lose weight or struggling with eating. I think there are important lessons in this book that can be applied to many different areas of one’s life. But I would also caution that you take everything you read with a grain of salt. Yes, mindfulness is a wonderful thing and in the long run, it will help you get to where you want to be. But, in focusing on your spiritual self, don’t give up on everything else. I say, if counting calories works for you, count them – they will help you relearn portions and nutrition information. If you’re a gym rat, and you feel better after a mid-day workout, then do it – physical activity is good for your bones, for your heart. Like everything else in life, there are no hard and fast rules – that is why she sets forth food guidelines instead of food rules – take what you can from this book and use it, but don’t forget everything else that has also worked for you. It worked for you for a reason – don’t abandon it altogether just because Oprah endorsed “the next big thing” on her show.
Disclaimer – yes, this is a review. But no one paid me for my opinion or anything else. I even bought the book myself at Sam’s Club.
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