There are so many names for it, so many excuses, reasons I could give, justifications I could make. The bottom line? I’ve been slacking off – big time. Last week, I only got to the gym once and I canceled my session with my personal trainer. I’ve gotten lazy – instead of fixing myself good things to eat, I’ve been taking the easy way out. I had a mini-binge over the weekend – we made s’mores with Caramello bars and I ate three. On the one hand, I knew it wasn’t the end of the world and I refused to beat myself up over it. But on the other hand, I feel like this is indicative of the way I’ve been backsliding out of my good eating habits. I feel like, in the past week, I’ve gone from 90-95% diet compliance to maybe 80% compliance, and the number on the scale reflects that.

I feel like there are a couple of reasons that I’ve been eating the way I have. After finishing Women, Food, and God, I started to question whether I really needed to be following such a strict and restrictive diet. After all, according to the book, people on highly restrictive diets are more likely to fall off the wagon and binge because they feel deprived. Though I was doing well and not really experiencing any carb cravings, there were times I missed cakes, cookies and bread.

After this weekend, I’m not sure that I actually miss cakes, cookies and bread. I think that I miss the feelings I used to associate with eating them and making them. I miss baking chocolate chip cookies with my mother-in-law and little sister. I miss the bonding experience, the stories shared – I miss the process and the experience of making them. I think I’ll look into baking with almond flour so that I won’t have to give up that part of my life as the weather cools and my thoughts turn to baking.

And honestly, my diet hasn’t been that restrictive. The idea of living paleo/primal is more restrictive than the actual practice. I eat right most of the time, but I still treat myself. I don’t feel that I’ve denied myself anything – instead of eating out, I make a delicious dinner at home and invite people over. Instead of dessert at the restaurant, I make a batch of homemade creme brulee for the family. I still get the sweets that I love – I just get them in moderation. I usually allow myself one s’more when the family gets together – not three.

I also thought about how I’ve changed my diet – from eating cereal and bread to eating eggs, meat and vegetables. I think I’ve made the right decision. Ignore things like hormones, insulin and labels like paleo and just focus on the numbers for a moment. Fruit (especially berries) and vegetables pack more nutritional bang for the buck than grains or legumes. Yes, perhaps the paleo/primal lifestyle is an extreme version, when I look back at my old life and the utter lack of vegetables, I have to think that everyone would benefit from swapping out some of the grains and legumes they consume for veggies.

I just need to refocus my eyes on the prize and stop comparing my weight loss to that of others. I know my body. I know I’ll lose 2-3 lbs a week when I work out regularly and eat right. I know my weight loss will stall when I do not. I’m never going to be the kind of person who can lose 15 lbs in two weeks – I didn’t gain my weight like that and I don’t see myself losing it like that. And I need to remember that I’m in this for the long haul. This is a lifestyle change, not a temporary thing. A mini binge of three s’mores over the weekend does not a crisis make – nothing has been derailed, nothing is ruined.

Hey! Hey you! Eat well, work out, stop freaking out over things beyond your control and keep your eyes on the prize!